If you’re a single woman taking care of aging parents, first off—just pause and pat yourself on the back. This stuff is tough. There isn’t a “right way” to do it, and it can sometimes feel like everyone else has backup, while you’re holding the fort solo. Maybe your friends have siblings to split things with or a partner to lean on, but it’s just you—and the endless list of things your parents suddenly need.
Still, there are ways to get through this with your sanity (and sense of self) intact.
Get Honest Early, Even When It’s Awkward
No one’s itching to talk about health scares or future what-ifs, especially with parents who still see you as their little girl. But open, honest talks early on really do help. Ask about their priorities: what matters most if their health changes? What kind of support or routines would actually help them? Are they open to outside help or ever moving somewhere like an assisted living community? These conversations might get messy, but having them while things are still calm means fewer meltdowns in a crisis.
Don’t Even Try to Be Superwoman
Let’s just call this out: you can’t do it all. Some days, just getting groceries and paying bills feels like climbing a mountain. There will be times you have to let something go, or say “no” to an extra request, or even ask for help (yes, it’s harder than it sounds but absolutely worth it). Make a list of what’s truly urgent versus what’s just weighing on you out of guilt or habit.
If laundry piles up or Mom’s breakfast is plain toast for the third morning in a row, it’s fine. The people who matter most won’t care—and if you need backup, go ahead and ask a neighbor or look into community support. Good enough is more than enough.
Find Support You Didn’t Know You Had
Sometimes your circle is bigger than you think. Are there other relatives, family friends, or maybe nearby folks who’d lend a hand if you reached out? Local senior centers and support groups for caregivers can also be goldmines—people trading tips, venting, and, honestly, just listening. Some communities even have friendly volunteers who’ll check in or do light chores.
And when the time comes that your parent needs more help than you can provide, don’t feel guilty for exploring an assisted living community. They’re designed for exactly this stage, and the peace of mind is hard to beat. There’s practical guidance at AARP’s caregiver resource center, which is loaded with advice and step-by-step checklists for when you’re running on empty.
Remember: Your Life Still Matters
This isn’t selfish—it’s survival. Book your own doctor appointments, keep girls’ nights, and do something each week that’s just for you (a walk, a novel, binge-watching a silly show). The truth is, you can’t fill someone else’s cup if yours is bone-dry.
Celebrate the Little Wins And Let Go of Perfection
It helps to look for bright spots—maybe a good doctor’s visit, a shared laugh, or the rare day when everything just clicks. You’re doing something hard and important. Be proud, cut yourself some slack, and know you aren’t the only one figuring this out day by day. Real love is messy, and that’s perfectly okay.